Funny, but true 8-20-03
When his 38-caliber revolver failed to fire at his intended
victim during a holdup in Long Beach, California, would be robber James Elliot did
something that can only inspire wonder: He peered down the barrel and tried the
trigger again. This time it worked.
The chef at a hotel in Switzerland lost a finger in a
meat-cutting machine and, after a little hopping around, submitted a claim to
his insurance company. The company, suspecting negligence, sent out one of its
men to have a look for himself. He tried the machine out and lost a finger. The
chef's claim was approved.
***
A man who shoveled snow for an hour to clear a space for his
car during a blizzard in Chicago returned with his vehicle to find a woman had
taken the space. Understandably, he shot her.
***
After stopping for drinks at an illegal bar, a Zimbabwean
bus driver found that the 20 mental patients he was supposed to be transporting
from Harare to Beltway had escaped. Not wanting to admit his incompetence, the
driver went to a nearby bus stop and offered everyone waiting there a free
ride. He then delivered the passengers to the mental hospital, telling the
staff that the patients were very excitable and prone to bizarre fantasies. The
deception wasn't discovered for 3 days.
***
An American teenager was in the hospital recently recovering
from serious head wounds received from an oncoming train. When asked how he
received the injuries, the lad told police that he was simply trying to see how
close he could get his head to a moving train before he was hit.
***
A man walked into a Louisiana Circle-K, puts a $20 bill on
the counter, and asked for change. When the clerk opened the cash drawer, the
man pulled a gun and asked for all the cash in the register, which the clerk
promptly provided. The man took the cash from the clerk and fled, leaving the
$20 bill on the counter. The total amount of cash he got from the drawer? $15. (If
someone points a gun at you and gives you money, was a crime committed?)
***
Seems this Arkansas guy wanted some beer pretty badly. He
decided that he'd just throw a cinderblock through a liquor store window, grab
some booze, and run. So he lifted the cinderblock and heaved it over his head
at the window. The cinderblock bounced back and hit the would-be thief on the
head, knocking him unconscious. Seems the liquor store window was made of
Plexiglas. The whole event was caught on videotape.
***
As a female shopper exited a New York convenience store, a
man grabbed her purse and ran. The clerk called 911 immediately, and the woman
was able to give them a detailed description of the snatcher. Within minutes,
the police apprehended the snatcher. They put him in the car and drove back to
the store. The thief was then taken out of the car and told to stand there for
a positive ID. To which he replied, "Yes, officer, that's her. That's the
lady I stole the purse from."
***
The Ann Arbor News crime column reported that a man walked
into a Burger King in Ypsilanti, Michigan, at 5 a.m., flashed a gun, and
demanded cash. The clerk turned him down because he said he couldn't open the
cash register without a food order. When the man ordered onion rings, the clerk
said they weren't available for breakfast. The man, frustrated, walked away.
***
Kentucky: Two men tried to pull the front off a cash machine
by running a chain from the machine to the bumper of their pickup truck. Instead
of pulling the front panel off the machine, though, they pulled the bumper off
their truck. Scared, they left the scene and drove home. With the chain still
attached to the machine. With their bumper still attached to the chain. With
their vehicle's license plate still attached to the bumper. They were quickly
arrested.
***
A 5-STAR STUPIDITY AWARD WINNER! (You Escapees will
sure enjoy this one!!)
When a man attempted to siphon gasoline from a motor home
parked on a Seattle Street, he got much more than he bargained for. Police
arrived at the scene to find a very sick man curled up next to a motor home near
spilled sewage. A police spokesman said that the man admitted to trying to
steal gasoline and plugged his siphon hose into the motor home's sewage tank by
mistake. The owner of the vehicle declined to press charges, saying that it was
the best laugh he'd ever had.
This editorial opinion is provided by Mark Kimmel. For
breaking news, information, personal stories, newsletters, and books relating
to extraterrestrials, implications of extraterrestrial contact, and the cosmic
paradigm go to http://www.cosmicparadigm.com/
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